First and foremost, I appreciate some of the comments you
provided in the critique of my story. With this being the
first time I've ever written, I knew my story was lacking
somewhere but couldn't exactly put my finger on it. After
rewriting much of what I had already written, I think there
has been a definite improvement in the way the story flows.
The lack of detail and the tense changes of the story are
definitely areas I need to improve on.
I must admit, however, that I did have some issues with
the review itself (but I imagine that is to be expected).
Again, being new to this, take these comments with a grain
of salt. First, I don't think its fair to do a review, only
to state later that you only skimmed through certain parts,
namely the ballads and song provided by the bard. Although
I am completely biased, I believe that this is where the
entertainment in the story comes from. The characters in
the story were not singing and dancing in some cheap remake
of Moulin Rouge. Instead, the bard uses his ballads to captivate
his listeners, telling them stories that some may not believe,
but yet keeping them entertained. To "skim" through
these parts of the story because you're not a fan of musicals
is a bit unfair to the author, not to mention to the story.
If I may be so bold, indulge me for a minute while I make
an analogy to William Shakespeare. What would happen if
a reader were to skip one of the ballads within Hamlet,
Othello, or Midsummer's Night Dream? Wouldn't they miss
important nuances? While I, in no way, shape or form compare
myself to Shakespeare, I think you get my point.
Lastly, I was disappointed by your dislike of the genre.
Being an avid fantasy reader, allow me a moment to try and
convert you… J Fantasy is a wonderful mystical world
bestowed upon us by JR Tolkein. Fantasy authors all over
the world use this foundation as a leaping point. They use
it to wander from the harsh realities of everyday life.
It is a world where yes, a sword can cleave a man's head
off, and likewise, he can throw a knife at someone and kill
them just as easily. The Declaration of Independence, for
example, served as a model of our freedom and independence.
Do we dare say that impoverished nations seeking the same
joys and freedoms we share be labeled as "copy-cats"?
Your affinity for Sci-Fi concepts like the Matrix and /or
Star Wars follows the scheme. They are a stretch of the
imagination, and can probably be traced back to Gene Roddenberry,
if not further back. I am sure he has provided as much inspiration
to the Wachowski brothers and Lucas as Tolkein has provided
the likes of authors such a Terry Brooks and R.A. Salvatore,
not to mention myself.
Since I can almost imagine the "oh's and ah's"
that this reply will attract, let me reiterate that your
review did help me improve my writing. It was insightful,
helpful and very much appreciated. My only problem was that
I did not like the fact that I had to dig through all of
the other stuff within to find the constructive criticism
that I was looking forward to. While you are obviously well
read and knowledgeable, I felt as though the review was
more about whom you have read and what you thought of those
authors. In any case, I do look forward to future reviews.
Thanks. - Gabe Morales
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